From "The Southern Girl's Guide to the Galaxy," Planet Weekly Issue 279
Cell Phones: We all know that commercials don't lie. You don't want to be caught in that awkward or job-threatening situation of a dropped call. And of course, what good American doesn't have a cool ring tone? Now we have the coolest of the cool – ring backs, which please your callers with hip tunes while they wait for you to answer at an inappropriate place (like work, or church) while your cool ring tone "Baby Got Back" blares for those around you to give looks of disapproval. It's all so much fun. But the fun doesn't end there. What's a pink Razor phone without a pink car charger to go with it? Don't forget the cell phone's answer to iPod with tunes to boot – that's a whole other application to be compatible with all the MP3's you have stored on your computer! You can call your Mom to check in AND have a dance party all from your fingertips! If you're finally sounding good, then you better look good. While some people prefer the belt buckle holder, the cell phone purse pouches are a nice feminine touch for the ladies. You can never over-accessorize. So, my friends, don't skimp on your cell phone.
Extreme Sports Guides: In our time, it's all about taking it to the limit. It's not enough anymore to just go on a nature hike – it's got to be a climb up Mount Everest or a safari in the jungles of Africa. When going on these daring retreats, one usually requires a guide. I would suggest selecting one that isn't offering to do the job at minimum wage. Maybe it's me, but as inspiring as the stories are of plane crash and avalanche survivors, where they eat their own body parts to survive and finally make it home not-in-one-piece to write books about their experience, I'd rather not go through it myself. Much respect to them, of course. In the same sense, things I wouldn't buy on sale include, but are not limited to: parachutes, life preservers, scuba diving oxygen tanks, bungee cords, personal aircraft pilots… You get the idea. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt… seriously.
Surgeons: "So I wanted just a little boost but now I can't see my toes over my chest," or "I thought I was going in for a hip replacement, but now I have a third arm. It's cool, now I can drink my coffee, check my e-mail, and pet my dog at the same time!" These are just a couple of statements that you may hear from people who didn't pay top dollar for their surgeons. Really, if you need a kidney transplant but are a little short on cash prior to the big day, do you think they'll take it out in six months if the balance isn't paid in full? I doubt it. That would be more time – and time is money! When it comes to medical care, you want someone who really cares. If the clinic is shifty in-and-out with quick fixes and payments are cash or money order only, it may not be the place for you. Saving a few bucks compared to saving my organs is really not a comparison at all.
Cell Phones: We all know that commercials don't lie. You don't want to be caught in that awkward or job-threatening situation of a dropped call. And of course, what good American doesn't have a cool ring tone? Now we have the coolest of the cool – ring backs, which please your callers with hip tunes while they wait for you to answer at an inappropriate place (like work, or church) while your cool ring tone "Baby Got Back" blares for those around you to give looks of disapproval. It's all so much fun. But the fun doesn't end there. What's a pink Razor phone without a pink car charger to go with it? Don't forget the cell phone's answer to iPod with tunes to boot – that's a whole other application to be compatible with all the MP3's you have stored on your computer! You can call your Mom to check in AND have a dance party all from your fingertips! If you're finally sounding good, then you better look good. While some people prefer the belt buckle holder, the cell phone purse pouches are a nice feminine touch for the ladies. You can never over-accessorize. So, my friends, don't skimp on your cell phone. Extreme Sports Guides: In our time, it's all about taking it to the limit. It's not enough anymore to just go on a nature hike – it's got to be a climb up Mount Everest or a safari in the jungles of Africa. When going on these daring retreats, one usually requires a guide. I would suggest selecting one that isn't offering to do the job at minimum wage. Maybe it's me, but as inspiring as the stories are of plane crash and avalanche survivors, where they eat their own body parts to survive and finally make it home not-in-one-piece to write books about their experience, I'd rather not go through it myself. Much respect to them, of course. In the same sense, things I wouldn't buy on sale include, but are not limited to: parachutes, life preservers, scuba diving oxygen tanks, bungee cords, personal aircraft pilots… You get the idea. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt… seriously. Surgeons: "So I wanted just a little boost but now I can't see my toes over my chest," or "I thought I was going in for a hip replacement, but now I have a third arm. It's cool, now I can drink my coffee, check my e-mail, and pet my dog at the same time!" These are just a couple of statements that you may hear from people who didn't pay top dollar for their surgeons. Really, if you need a kidney transplant but are a little short on cash prior to the big day, do you think they'll take it out in six months if the balance isn't paid in full? I doubt it. That would be more time – and time is money! When it comes to medical care, you want someone who really cares. If the clinic is shifty in-and-out with quick fixes and payments are cash or money order only, it may not be the place for you. Saving a few bucks compared to saving my organs is really not a comparison at all.
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